Andrea Rotondi

How often do you find out important information about your friends via Facebook? Pregnancies, engagements, events, relocations and the like are often announced on social networking sites or text message these days. I have no problem with this, however it does bother me when people assume that I actually see their status update on Facebook. Some things necessitate an email at the very least. Sometimes it seems that electronic communication has washed good manners right out the window.

Expectations can dictate social norms and, when it comes to personal relationships, I think our standards are slipping a bit. I haven’t looked at any etiquette books lately, but I hope they include some tips about these things. Here are my suggestions for good behaviour:

1. Make people feel special. If you have big, important news, let your closest friends and family in on it before you post publicly on a social network. The grapevine is no way to hear about a new baby, engagement, marriage or relocation.

2. Don’t assume that just because someone has an account on a social networking site, they are active there. I’m on Facebook, but it is not my preferred social network (that’s Twitter). I’ve missed out on catching up with friends when they were in town because they assumed I saw their FB status update. It’s terribly embarrassing when someone assumes you know something about her because she posted it on Facebook (for who I’m not really sure).

3. Respond to emails, direct messages and text messages first. If someone has taken the time to message you directly, I think it should be given priority over other online activities. I don’t mean that you can’t respond to other communications first when they are work related or time sensitive, etc. But it is important to value people close to you, and I would be offended if I was waiting to hear a response to my email for weeks but I can see that you’ve been very active on Farmville.

4. Be careful about forwarding emails and messages. Remember all the personal stuff you said to your partner before you decided to send the last message on to others for whatever reason? That text is all still hanging out at the bottom of the email thread and it’s fair game for someone to read what’s sent to him.

5. It’s still nice to get a phone call. I know it costs money, but if a friend is going through a rough time, give them a ring. Sometimes an email just isn’t enough. And for heaven’s sake, if someone invites you to an event, don’t make them chase you for an RSVP.

6. Spam is spam. Don’t assume that just because we went to high school together (especially if we never spoke) that you can put me on your mailing list. This is even more apt if you’re advertising your family’s local business and I haven’t even visited your city in over ten years. It’s great to reach out and I am always open to conversations and re-connecting, but watch your intentions when connecting to people online.

7. It’s terrible form when you are at dinner with others to spend time on your Blackberry, iPhone, netbook, etc. Likewise, I don’t really care to hear the latest from Facebook or “Guess what so and so said” on Twitter while we are in the middle of a discussion about something else. A little common sense goes a long way.

8. When making your list, check it twice. If you announce your child’s birth via text message and you forget to include someone, it’s a lot more offensive than if you just haven’t gotten around to catching up with him on the phone. And you’re bound to forget someone who will take offence.

How has online media changed etiquette and communication in personal relationships for you? Any tips? Gripes?